Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

scarecrow dreams
October 14, 2015

of course i’d never forget the first day i met you. bold confidence, striding your way toward me – the cafe was your home, and i was your guest. i desired nothing more than to challenge this confidence. like a small child with a pin in one hand and a balloon in the other, i was compelled by my unfaltering excitement to shake you. though i disguised it as playful curiosity, i knew from the beginning i liked you.

and now i sit here three months later wondering where the time went. we built our relationship like it was wall – brick by brick. though, with disappointment i must admit that every brick i placed was riddled with insincerity and false intentions. i don’t trust that your bricks are any different from mine though. and thus, as we look upon our creation – i don’t blame us for feeling as though we sold ourselves short. we auctioned off our integrity, and now we trade in nothing but clumsy $2 store items. we look upon the wall we built together and realise that we’re standing on opposite sides of it, staring helplessly at the other with wishful thinking.

this is no longer fun.
and i no longer believe that you feel nothing for me.

Life should be lived to tears
October 9, 2015

“As a jealous man, I suffer four times over: because I am jealous, because I blame myself for being so, because I fear that my jealousy will wound the other, because I allow myself to be subject to a banality: I suffer from being excluded, from being aggressive, from being crazy, and from being common.”
Roland Barthes, A Lover’s Discourse: Fragments

“you have no fucking idea who i am”
May 23, 2012

i’m not sure why i ended up there in the first place.
“i’ll cook you anything you want” he said.
“tell me what you want” he said
“you have NO fucking IDEA” he said.

and i just said nothing.
and smiled.
and looked stupid.
and felt dumb.

“you pluck your eyebrows” he said.
“they look good” 

i miss.
April 23, 2012

the times we sat on the roof together.
even when the rain fell.
the time we made a german film us doing our hand claps,
until we got it right.
the time we made that video 
of us singing to delta goodrem and brian mcfadden.
the times i’d sit in the purple bean bag.

the miserable hour of silence
when we weren’t in the mood for dinner.

the time we showered in our clothes.
the time we held our gas to fart in the shower
and see if we could still smell it.
the times they forgot to leave bread out for supper. 

the times i’d drag my doonah to your room.
at 11pm each night.
the times i’d drag my doonah back from your room.
at 6am every morning.
the times we’d cuddle
because we were homesick.

the time you cried on my floor.
the time i cried in your arms.

the times you’d cry so hard,
the only person you wanted
was me.

the times we’d go to hungry jacks.
and we’d wish we didn’t have to return.
the times we’d blame everyone else for our anger.
and frustration.

the times we’d go home for holidays
and miss each other.
the whole time. 

leading minds astray
April 15, 2012

it’s being blowing hard
and it will wait for no-one

20120415-181509.jpg

makes her
April 14, 2012

prolactin – ‘the blue hormone’, a tranquillising hormone, released during sadness, released during songs of comfort.

 

i’m a very lucky person

mine has learned to kill
April 14, 2012

because giving requires little…
but much of yourself

ifs and buts
April 11, 2012

She appeared at the stationery cupboard while I was furiously hole punching the late documents.
“I’m sorry, Kell” I murmured in defeat.
“it’s okay” she said, exhausted. “it’s just… client work really needs to be on time, hey?”
There was a pause from me.
Her at one end of the bench.
me hiding at the other.
“did he have all the stuff for his meeting?”
There was a pause from her.
And then this look was on her face.
Of confusion and tiredness and carelessness and a sad bitterness.
“I don’t know”.

And so this is for Kelly.
For the look she gave me this afternoon.
Where, in her eyes, I saw how little she cared for a bit of fucking printing.
For her 5am starts and her 10pm finishes.
For the five hours over time she does every single day,
that doesn’t get counted.

And this is also for Michelle.
For the two days she has to send her one year old to day care.
For the scuffs on her shoes, and the crinkles on her blazer.
For the times she admits ‘dieting defeat’ and eats McDonalds at her desk.

This is for Ed.
For waiting until his children and wife are asleep, before he cleans the house.
Every night.
Only to wait for them to wake up and muss it up again.
Every day.
“You wait until you have children, Catelyn… you’ll be a real pro at cleaning kitchens by then. The only difference is that it’s not accountants you’re cleaning for… you’ll do it because you love them”

This is for Aaron.
For only eating a banana for dinner.
Because the shops had closed by the time he’d finished going through his worklist.

This is for the mother who changes her heels to sneakers,
so she can walk home quicker.
For ignoring people like me,
who laugh at how lame it looks.

This is the woman in the street,
who just took a deep breath,
stopped,
paused.
took another breath.
and kept walking.

This is for my own Dad.
For giving up his graphic designing business.
For calling up every client he had,
and telling them he couldn’t do any more work.
For never blaming his family for the broken pieces of his old dreams.

This is for those that give themselves,
in the pursuit of the thing they love most.
For those who give themselves up.
For the bodybuilder studying business management.
The Sydney business man working distance in Tasmania so his five year old doesn’t have to change schools again.
And the accountant waiting to propose to his girlfriend.
This is for you.
Too long I’ve put you in a world that was so far from my own.
A world of ‘why the fuck would you choose this as your career?’
When really you’re just the same as me: a kid chasing a dream.
and so this is my apology.
For once deeming your world pathetic.

 

“Prune?”
“yeah, Tig?”
“I’ve had a really bad day”

stitches
March 14, 2012

“we are only human, and the gods have fashioned us for love. that is our great glory, and our great tragedy.”

george rr martin

it’s alright
March 9, 2012

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

 

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

 

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

 

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

 

 

 

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

 

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved
i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved

 

i’m the hero of this story… don’t need to be saved