Archive for October, 2015

scarecrow dreams
October 14, 2015

of course i’d never forget the first day i met you. bold confidence, striding your way toward me – the cafe was your home, and i was your guest. i desired nothing more than to challenge this confidence. like a small child with a pin in one hand and a balloon in the other, i was compelled by my unfaltering excitement to shake you. though i disguised it as playful curiosity, i knew from the beginning i liked you.

and now i sit here three months later wondering where the time went. we built our relationship like it was wall – brick by brick. though, with disappointment i must admit that every brick i placed was riddled with insincerity and false intentions. i don’t trust that your bricks are any different from mine though. and thus, as we look upon our creation – i don’t blame us for feeling as though we sold ourselves short. we auctioned off our integrity, and now we trade in nothing but clumsy $2 store items. we look upon the wall we built together and realise that we’re standing on opposite sides of it, staring helplessly at the other with wishful thinking.

this is no longer fun.
and i no longer believe that you feel nothing for me.

Life should be lived to tears
October 9, 2015

“As a jealous man, I suffer four times over: because I am jealous, because I blame myself for being so, because I fear that my jealousy will wound the other, because I allow myself to be subject to a banality: I suffer from being excluded, from being aggressive, from being crazy, and from being common.”
Roland Barthes, A Lover’s Discourse: Fragments