Archive for April, 2011

sit down
April 30, 2011

wasn’t there once hope?


April 30, 2011

girl… after you left the party tonight
i found myself thinking about three things:

1. it’s fear that makes me hate it. while we were standing in the cold waiting for our lift, talking about jagged truths… i couldn’t muster up the courage to ask you what made you hate it. it’s not that i’m stressed, burnt out or lonely… they’re just side effects. i’m just scared. it’s not because i make mistakes… it’s because i don’t know when i’m making them. i’m too afraid to look at the mess to differentiate whether or not i’m regretful… in fact, i just become so sure that they will pass. people will keep telling me to loosen up and stop worrying… but that’s because they’re too afraid to look at their own times of self-doubt… and who could blame them? we all feel the side effects of fear.

2. people always have advice. in that one evening, as those kids blended into the lights and the couches they started reliving their days in college. they reeled off their advice… and heck, yes, some words were a little slurred under masks… but the funny part was that two friends (who had similar year 11 and 12 lives) ended up giving me contradictory advice. one said to knuckle down, stay true to the true friends and study hard. the other told me to love everyone, because soon you leave that love, and wonder where the hell love is, or where love went… because it sure as fuck doesn’t find you in the places you go once you leave.

3. you looked so beautiful tonight.

endless needs
April 30, 2011

i found myself thinking…

moments later?
“it took me fucking long enough”
and in that internal monologue there were so many stories and memories
so many that i no longer felt anything.
indeed… i didn’t hear anything.
not my message tone.
not the kittens on the other side of the door.
until then, i didn’t know my mind could thump so loudly.

April 27, 2011

dear mr abbott,

true, you can’t make steel without ‘large emissions of carbon’.
but i’m not entirely sure png, indonesia, timor and other countries in the pacific will really understand that fun fact, when their countries go under water.
maybe you should think about the next time you bring up my cultural background… and heritage.

your sincerely,


how my sister loves me
April 27, 2011

“you’ve been told by the household gods to shut the hell up!” – lauren

April 26, 2011

there are so many ends in us.
often ends that don’t meet up.
the jagged edges of the memories we dismiss.
there were once beginnings.
once possibilities.
even that word is an end.
once… was… ‘we were’.
so many ends inside of us.
so many 
that we are simultaneously a present being;
living and breathing,
choking on excessive possibilities,
and the closure of a past being.
slaughtered by our memories.
choked by our previous possibilities.
simultaneously a beginning and an end.
simultaneously alive and dying.
simultaneously a ‘hello’
and a ‘goodbye’.

did someone order… a bacon sandwich?
April 25, 2011

catelyn: (does pout and peace sign) hey dad… do i look pretty!?
dad: no
catelyn: oh…
dad: no you don’t tig… you look retarded

April 25, 2011

right where the bug decided to plant itself on the lense, is a town.
it’s right by that shimmering gold plain… the ocean.
it doesn’t have many people.
one clothes shop, one butchery, one bakery…
it doesn’t make a huge dent on the global economy…
nor is it even recognised around the world…
it’s not big…
but for some reason it contains everything that ever has, and ever will mean anything to me.
it’s funny how our entire life of memories and hopes can be captured in a photo like this.

says something about me
April 25, 2011

when i first created this blog site, i made the whole thing shades of pink.
hence the pink titles, the pink links, the pink outlines…
everything pink.
not because i like the colour,
but because i wanted to take the piss.
to take the piss out of my own blog site…

yes i know the hands look creepy
April 25, 2011

“one hand on this wily comet.
take a drink just to give me some weight.
some uber man i’d make,
i’m barely a vapour

close your eyes to corral a virtue.
is this fooling anyone else?
never worked so long and hard to cement a failure…

still to come,
the worst part and you know it
there is a numbness,
in your heart and it’s growing”

-the shins