say hello to the ground

“I get a headache when I don’t see blood”

Dear God,
sometimes I don’t understand it.
i don’t understand the children who are bleeding.
at the hands of another child,
fighting for their life.
i don’t understand how they are left to bleed.
by us.
it doesn’t make sense that they go to sleep alone and afraid,
ever single fucking night.
and I just swore in a prayer,
but I’m just so angry.
i’m so angry that in parts of the world, children are stolen from their homes every night.
i’m angry that they become martyrs if they refuse to become soldiers.
little boys.
and little girls too.
raped.
and it makes me so angry.
because while this happens, I look around my own country to see girls like towers,
stagger around in their short dresses, with their high heels,
and I look at the deep loneliness and vulnerability in their hearts,
and I wonder how they don’t just topple over.
God, where is it?
where is the Grace?
i can’t help it.
i can’t help but lose my faith sometimes.
when the world is so full of hurting.
i don’t care if I get tired.
and I don’t care if I’m exhausted.
i won’t stop fighting this.
Amen

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