with a precious few, you should hold on

please excuse how cliche and corny this is… but it really does need to be said

i was looking through photos last night.
from the past year.
movies, videos, photos.
making a folder of ones I wanted to get printed.
all of these memories and moments from this year.
all the smiles, and the big grins.
and for a while I have been feeling this absolute admiration in my stomach for every single one of my friends.
and I go on about it so often, it’s not even funny.
but words cannot begin to justify how much I love them.
looking back through the photos… it was like seeing them for the first time in months.
like I have been sleeping for the past couple of weeks and months.
I love them.
with all the tiny bits and big bits inside me, I love them.
I love them because they listen.
I love them because they’re probably reading this fucking blog right now.
actually taking the time to care.
I love them because they make me laugh,
and I love them because they’ve let me cry:
cheg, who once sat at the edge of my bed not looking at me while I hysterically cried, because she knew it embarrassed me.
and em, who once sat on a hill with me while we cried until we were too tired to even walk back to her house.
and bek, who once read me Shakespeare while I cried because I was sick of my own shitty words.
and mel, who once watched me trying to force myself to cry so I could show some damn emotion.
and ruby, who has watched me stubbornly hold back my emotion every time I am honest with her.
I love them because they actually listen.
when I tell pointless stories, or when they tell me pointless stories, we write it down in our minds.
that we get all giggly when we say nice things about each other.
that we tell each other to fuck off, or we get angry, but we know that it only hurts because of how much we love each other.
I love that every time I get a message from them, I get excited.
I love that they still care about me… even when there is so much in this world, to care about.
they’re real.
they may not be (as cheg’s cousin pointed out) ‘always perfect’
but every single one of my closest friends are perfectly real.
 I would be lucky to have just one of you in my life.
absolutely fucking blessed to have just one.
no words could explain how blessed i am to know you all.

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