the only ones who know

I’m back from adventures.
it was a weird trip.
it was a good opportunity,
I learnt useful skills
and I got to be an important person for two days.
I rocked up to the two day conference,
wearing my jeans and a neat-ish top.
everyone else in the room was wearing corporate.
except for two boys, who were wearing slightly more casual clothes,
still your usual shades of blacks and navies though.
I overhear a conversation between two of the state organizers
Tas: Do we have to wear our corporates tomorrow? I’ve only packed jeans.
S.A: Well, I packed coporates for today (and here I quote) but ‘youth friendly’ clothes for tomorrow.
Dude, I didn’t even know there was specific stereotype for what we wear. Youth friendly?
I look around the room, it’s technically supposed to be the NPG (National-youth-week Planning Group), comprising of several government members who are above 26, and then their young ambassadors which represent the state opinion.
Yeah, well all of the people positioned around the table were all above twenty (youth varies from 12-26).
Except for two. Me and a guy from ACT.
And so began the two day discussion of everything that needs to be planned for the week in 2011.
it was a good opportunity.
I learnt useful skills
and I got to be an important person for two days.
Hotel lobby… the hotel is four and a half stars.
Single room.
buffet breakfast.
Everything paid for.
Surely I should be enjoying this?
Back in the public speaking days, I used to love lapping up the fancy hotels and restaurants.
But now,
i guess I just don’t.
the thing I liked about the trip were all based around people and insignificant things I saw.
there was the woman in the Melbourne airport, where I waited for a taxi to go to the hotel.
playing with her baby, as though it were the first time she had every talked to him.
and then the other woman who asked at least six people ‘where are you flying to?’
except for me… she specifically asked me ‘are you flying to America!?’
I replied that no, sadly I was not.
then there were the birds flying through the airport… little baby sparrows, cruising in the air.
but lastly the concierge in the hotel…
“good morning small one… feeling better?”
“sure am” I replied happily… but I kept thinking about the way he put it
“good morning small one”…
it was so simple. And so honest.
I was small.
when he heard my tiny voice on the end of the line, asking for panadol, I was small.
and when I appeared wandering around the lobby not knowing how to order my breakfast, I was small.
walking through Melbourne, zoning out looking at all the buildings in a city that isn’t even that big… I felt so small.
i’m tired of pretending that I’m a big person.
who am I trying to kid? I couldn’t even fool a hotel concierge.
the conference was alright.
it was a good opportunity,
I learnt useful skills
and I got to be an important person for two days.

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