not enough time

last year i was a straight A student.
with the exception of maths.
come report time, i’d look down the columns to see all As.
and ignore the arrogance, but this is how a large majority of my life has been.
primary school i was awarded the school high achiever scholarship to go to ‘high school’.
high school i was awarded dux every year i was there.
year seven i place third in the national heat for rostrum voice of youth.
year eight i won the national aussie speak competition.
year nine i placed second both in the national rostrum voice of youth and the legacy public speaking competition.

yet… this year, i have done little in the way of  ‘achieving’…
actually to be honest, i flumped at the things i used to be good at.
i lost my voice in the audition for the musical, got a red rash in my hot seat interview for drama, and Lord above please don’t remind me of the presentation i did to my history class on the Tamil tigers last tuesday.
i don’t debate any more.
i don’t public speak any more.
i’m an average actress.
my marks have dropped savagely.
and i can cross a relationship off the cards for a long time.

yet… as i realised yesterday this year has been one of the happiest years of my life.
and as i’m starting to realise… success just isn’t what made me happy.
and to some extent, I don’t think it really ever does make someone completely happy.
success slaps labels on us..
if anything, i care more about what i learnt from the experience, than the award it-self.
awards are only temporary… it is dodgy to judge a person based on what they do.
there is so much more to a person than A+s, awards and trophies.

there is so much life that cannot be engraved on a plaque.

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