Archive for July, 2010

i want to be
July 31, 2010

Henry: so wig… you turn 18 at the beginning of next year?
Me: Yep
Henry: Not long… then you can come out with us?!
Me: Haha yeah.
Henry: Still a little rumman until then though.
Me: Nah… I’ll be a rumman even when I do turn 18… I refuse to become an adult, except to vote. And I refuse to allow you to treat me as an adult.
Henry: Alright… You’ll always be a rumman. To us
Ruby: haha! rumman


i’m waking up to see the sun
July 31, 2010

“Dear Wig… It was a really nice surprise to come home and find your handwriting in Tuesday’s mail, and it was a sweet and energetive letter, and i liked it very much – so thank you. It was proof that life is built out of specks of infinity, and that you can never know what immensity can come from one tiny moment of conversation or connection, which is what keeps me going. the endless possibility of a new second….

my spirit jarred from the constant jolting between the tragedy and vivacity of youth, and pyschomesoluminescence will set in, and i will be lost to those reveries for the rest of the day.
Pyschomesoluminescence refers to the uninhibited clairvoyance of a better life I drift off into when I have come close to the sighing of this world. It transports me five or so years into the future, when I’m returning home from the jungles of Oaxaca.”

breathing again
July 31, 2010

Today I held my first ever fundraiser…
I’ve been a part of heaps over the past couple of years,
but this was the first event, where I had been a coordinator.
at the end of the day, all of the hard work that ruby and I had put into the event,
had been exchanged for over $800

You could say it was a good feeling.
looking at all the money as we counted it… I started thinking of everything I could buy with this money.
I’d probably put it into a savings account, so I could save some more.
Maybe leave out a hundred to buy some jeans… or the camera tripod I want
sometimes I make lists of things I’d buy if I had cash
all the stuff I want. And then I fume at how unfairly-rich some kids are.
today… just looking at that $800 as I counted it… I don’t know… it just made me think of all these things that I want all the time. And how angry I get at rich kids, just because I can’t have what I want.

well, catelyn, there are about 1.4 billion people in this world, who, (following your logic) should be really really angry at you right now.
I mean, hey, they’ve never had access to healthcare, education, equality or food… but you, can’t have the tripod you want for your camera. Oh shit…

Today $800 wasn’t wasted on things I’ll never appreciate.
and no, I probably won’t be able to constantly remind the children it helped, that I raised it for them.
I won’t see it again after it is shipped off…
but at the end of the day 8 children who have never had access to education before in their life, will attend school for a year.
8 children… educated for a whole year.
Where they can learn skills that I take for granted every single day of my life.
I’d say that investing the money on these kids, beats a damn camera tripod any day.

July 29, 2010

Over the past couple of days I have been getting myself way too hung up on little things.
basically just going through each day, ‘just getting by’.
Yesterday I had my first meeting for a new position I’ve been appointed to.
Searching through my cupboard, I decided to wear my ‘comfort zone’ shirt.
I’ve done a variety of ‘meet and greet’ sessions for meetings and training days, and without a doubt, every time I feel like I’m not going to wear the right sort of attire.
SO to combat the back of my mind pestering I wear the same shirt to every meet and greet session. It’s kind of floral and lacey, so it can look formal.
But at the same time sort weird fitting so it looks casual if needed.
Rocked up to the council building in Hobart, got driven to the meeting and got ready for a standard meeting.
Quiet. Shy.
I came back to the boarding house in a foul mood.
ranting to Bek about how much I hate government run meetings.
And at one point, in a fit of anger I blurted out things that I really shouldn’t have.
I calmed down eventually. I mean, I wasn’t all over the show, because I try and contain myself wherever possible, but I wasn’t in a good mindset… that’s for sure.
I got on facebook later that evening and Henry had left me a message… just catching up with what he was up to.
We talked a little on facebook, and he asked if he could call me.
We ended up talking for over an hour.
and by the end of that conversation, I felt… happy again.
I swear I love him so much.

July 27, 2010

“Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? ”
-(Proverbs 6:27)

the answer, is no… a man cannot.
so why do i always find myself calmly inviting fire into my lap?
actually not just inviting… scooping it in.
and then i’m so quick to complain of the burns.
ah dear… if there is one thing proverbs does, it is make me think

i’ve got my eyes shut, praying they won’t stray
July 26, 2010

“we hurt people, then we hurt ourselves.”

the look
July 25, 2010

you have given me a reason to be extra, super, extremely excited for bonfire night.
i seriously can’t wait.

i’ll go wherever you will go
July 25, 2010

I’m a really un-coordinated person.
bek and I often climb up and out onto the roof.
and we’ll sit up there with our doonah and beanbag,
sometimes laying in the sun,
sometimes watching the stars.
But I remember this one time,
as we were coming back through the window, bek went first.
climbing through, both feet on the desk, jumping down into her room.
and then I went.
climbing through, both feet on the desk.
Only, I’d accidentally placed my feet too close to the end,
the desk tipped forward, sending me catapulting forward,
and landing with a large THUD on the ground, showered with the contents of the desk.

sure the sentimental star watching was cool,
but the hysterical laughter that shortly followed my clumsy display
will stick in my mind for a long, long time.

playing pretty
July 24, 2010

I pulled down the leaves
and I tore them up.
I tore
and I tore
until they didn’t look like leaves anymore.
and I didn’t feel like me anymore.

looking at you through the sun
July 24, 2010

this photo contains two things.
1) sunburn
2) memories